Friday, December 9, 2016

Sucktown, Alaska by Craig Dirkes

Synopsis
Looking for a great adventure, eighteen-year-old Eddie Ashford stumbles into a job as a reporter in tiny Kusko, Alaska, a place so remote that bush planes are the only way in or out. When the job and the place, which sits on the flat and desolate tundra and not in the stunning mountains he'd imagined, turn out to be disappointments, Eddie thinks maybe it's time to bail. But three things tie him there: 1) Taylor, a girl who might be a little too pretty and a little too smart for him; 2) Finn, a new friend who is an all-around good dude but also happens to be a small-time pot dealer; and 3) Eddie's empty wallet, which means he can't afford to transport himself and his possessions back to civilization. Despite every good-guy instinct inside him, Eddie flirts with trouble as he tries to find a way home.


My Thoughts
★ Male Chauvinist Star
I received this book in return for an honest review.
DNF at 38%

There is so much wrong with this book and it disgusts me. The writing is horrible, he talks in slang a good bit and lets face it, that's just not good grammar. Lol The main character seems to whine NON FREAKING STOP!!! Okay, we get it, you are a low life who flunked out and you took a job in Alaska in the middle of nowhere. Also, lying to your parents, who think you are still at college, so they can't help you even if you needed it. So who's fault is it really? YOURS!! So stop looking down your nose at all these other people and how they live just because you haven't been there. You ain't so high and mighty.

And let me just say, this book belittles women and talks so horrible about them. If I wanted to keep hearing about tits, I would watch a porno or read smut.

Lets touch down on some real trouble, shall we. I mean, the REAL deal breakers.

Is there any certain reason you are trying to make the receptionist sound slow/stupid? Unable to make a complete total sentence?
"You go see Taylor Sifsof. Hold on."
•••
"Taylor in classroom studying while rest of students at lunch. You go to classroom. Room 107, just around corner."

What really made me sick with this book was the fact, he is grown, and suppose to be in college. But he has to report on a high schooler winning a spelling bee. The second he walks in to the school, he is wondering what the girl looks like. I'm sorry, does it matter? You are grown, she is still in school.  Oh but it gets so much worse! He meets her and the total disgusting man slob comes out.

Ho. Lee. Shit.
Standing there might have been the hottest girl I'd seen. Ever. Anywhere on TV, in person, in a magazine, in a movie, on a billboard. My ding dong went from zero to boner faster than a car's airbag can deploy. I untucked my red flannel shirt to hide it.

Really dude? That is just freaking nasty! Also, can we say JAIL BAIT! This guy is making me sick to my stomach. But wait! THERE IS MORE!


The girl looked exotic. I couldn't pinpoint her lineage. Whatever she was, it amounted to a luscious mishmash of every female physical characteristic I held dear. Tall? Check. Long, straight blond hair, Check. Olive skin? Check. Pouty lips? Check. Hint of buttchin? Check. Big bombs? Che-actually, I couldn't tell. The light-blue sweater she wore was too bulky. But with how perfect the rest of her was, it was fair to assume she was hiding a nice rack of sleeper boobs under there.


Wow, dude, do you have a shopping list or something? Male? Check. Totally freaking moron? Check. Making me sick to my stomach? Check. Pedophile vibes? Right on target, check. 
I'm sorry, could you be any more sleazy. I can see his future now. One of those 30/40year old hound dog looking guys with a huge beer gut that hasn't showered in months and reeks of alcohol and cigarettes while hitting on teen girls. Excuse me while I vomit.


AND. IT. GETS. WORSE.

"Perky pooper? Check."
Are you freaking serious. Who the hell says that? Ugh dude, nasty. 

And there is MORE, but I won't flood this review with more of the gross quotes. Because it is pointless. It was a waste of my time, I'm not going to post them and waste YOUR time to reading them.


"I was impressed by a pastor using the word 'sack'."
Are you 12 years old? Grow up. Good gah.



And can we take a moment to talk about the whole "seeing red" thing over a girl he is not dating, a girl who is not old enough for him to even LEGALLY date. This just screams "You are mine and mine alone and if you try to leave, I will kill you." kind of thing. Stalker alert. I repeat. Stalker alert. 


Aaaand because he got rejected he just decides to boohoo and become a drug dealer. Nice. I drew the line here. It's getting to stupid, I had to stop reading.

This book is a joke and honestly this book makes me think the author is a real pig, especially if he keeps on and on and on about tits, hard ons, poopers, boners, and more tits. 

I would never in a million years recommend this trash.

This book is great bathroom material.....you know.....for our "perky poopers".


***Added note: I wrote this review as I went through the book because, how could I not. It does mention that his age is 18 waaaaaay later in the story, it still doesn't make it right for him to hit on a girl who is underage and still in school.

2 comments:

  1. I agree. The way he talked about girls, that one in particular, was ... annoying.

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    Replies
    1. I'm sorry! I am just now seeing this. and that is so true. It's still sticking with me. Even after all this time when I hear about this book I grit my teeth so hard in annoyance.

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