Wednesday, June 7, 2017

An Abundance of Katherines by John Green

Synopsis

Title: An Abundance of Katherines
Author: John Green
Genre: Young Adult/Contemporary
My Rating: 1/5
Add To: Goodreads


Katherine V thought boys were gross
Katherine X just wanted to be friends
Katherine XVIII dumped him in an e-mail
K-19 broke his heart
When it comes to relationships, Colin Singleton's type happens to be girls named Katherine. And when it comes to girls named Katherine, Colin is always getting dumped. Nineteen times, to be exact.
On a road trip miles from home, this anagram-happy, washed-up child prodigy has ten thousand dollars in his pocket, a bloodthirsty feral hog on his trail, and an overweight, Judge Judy-loving best friend riding shotgun--but no Katherines. Colin is on a mission to prove The Theorem of Underlying Katherine Predictability, which he hopes will predict the future of any relationship, avenge Dumpees everywhere, and finally win him the girl.
Love, friendship, and a dead Austro-Hungarian archduke add up to surprising and heart-changing conclusions in this ingeniously layered comic novel about reinventing oneself.



My Thoughts
★ Star
DNF: stopped on page 45

To be fair, I tried. I really really did. I had such high hopes for this book. I had been wanting to read it and every other book by John Green since the DAY I read and finished The Fault In Our Stars because it blew me away.

But An Abundance of Katherines was about as much fun as scraping your nails across a chalkboard. From the start we are introduced to Colin who has just been dumped for the 19th time by the 19th Katherine. Not Katie. Not Kat. Not Kittie. Not Cathy, or Rynns or Trinas, or Kays or even Kate. Nope. just K-A-T-H-E-R-I-N-E

That last bit annoyed you right? Well, that is page 15 for you. To make matters worse, from page one Colin is so freaking WHINY! I am talking, you will want to scream and rip your hair out. I have spent hours trying to find the perfect way to describe him and the ONLY word I can think is just plain PATHETIC! I literally could not stand it.

You know back in like 2006 when EVERYONE was a emo kid because it was THE THING to be? That is what he reminds me of. If you also remember, there was that HORRIBLE gosh awful song "I must be emo" ... that would be Colin's theme song. *cues up the hate and pitchforks* I know, I am a bad bad person for that, but... whatever, I guess. 

If you think this book couldn't get worse, flip to chapter 2, page 8. *Enter Hassan* 
If you think there is no possible way on earth to planet Pluto (yes, PLANET Pluto, if it was good enough to be a planet when I was growing up, it is good enough to be a planet now.) that nothing can be worse that Colin, you are dead wrong. You are dead now. Here is a rose. *tosses rose* 

anyway, you know those old creepy guys who are always somehow covered in dirt from head to toe smelling of old alcohol and vomit even though they never seem to leave their front porch? That is how I really imagine Hassan as a grown-up.

The exact second he steps on scene, we see him for the disgusting pig he is, I really have no other words for him. it's like he's one of those steroid using high school jocks that scream "hay sexy! y u not dancin up on dis dick?!" ugh, You know the ones I mean, the ones that just make your skin crawl and leave you wondering how they manage to figure out how to BREATHE. 


I could go on about the characters, but I choose to spare you. 
The writing was exhausting. I felt like I was dragging my eyeballs across the page and I will not lie, I was dragging my eyes so much, I must have checked out a few times because I would have passed 5 pages and have not read a single word, but man, it sure felt like I did.  And what the hell is the point of all the damn charts and footnotes? They weren't annoying, they were way way way beyond annoying. It was like I was reading a straight math book for shits and giggles. (pardon my french there) 


So, yeah, not one I would recommend.

But, if you don't mind pathetic, annoying characters... This just might be for you.
If you don't mind reading a math book for FUN... This book might be for you.
If you don't mind blood pouring from your eyeballs... This book might be for you.
If you don't mind your brain turning into liquid ... This book might be for you.


Good luck. May the odds be every in your favor, live long and prosper and the force be with you.

3 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  2. What's up with dating 19 Katherine's? :") I don't even know anyone else with the same name as my boyfriend....

    If you see a nice chick and her name is not Katherine, he's like; "Nope, can't date you, your name is not Katherine." I can already see him swiping only Katherine's on Tinder.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. For real! girl, I am still shaking my head about this book. And I just hear the other day John Green is releasing a new book and I legit cringed. I'm terrified to know how that book is going to go. Lol Hopefully nothing at all like this one.

      -Ash

      Delete